For a really long time my life was basically the equivalent to going into the grocery store on a Sunday without a list; crowded, hectic, and EXTREMELY stressful! I didn't understand how, so early on, life could already be this hard. Between school, family, and trying to find out who I wanted to become, I was drowning!!
I am the oldest of 5 children and, before you ask, yes, we sure did all live together. Family was always a really important part of my life because 3 out of the 5 of us are special needs, meaning my parents needed as much help as I could give. As my family grew, we moved, a LOT! After 21 years of life, I've lived in almost every state on the East Coast of the U.S. Which ends up being an awesome conversation piece but for a long time it was the burden of my existence. Everytime I would finally get settled, we would be packing up and doing it all again; switching schools, making new friends, having to pick out new bedrooms.
So long story short, my life was always pretty hectic but NONE of that would even touch how emotional and scary my senior year would be.
When you hear "the people in your life are what shape where your life goes" most of the time you're like, what are these crazy people talking about!? But I am here to tell you the they are!!
September 2015, I met a super sweet, charming, caring, loving, hard-working, honest... women.
Never in my entire life did I once think, Brionna you are 100% absolutely gay. Nope, never. I just thought I was picky with the men I liked but meeting this amazing person made me realize that I could fall in love with who ever I wanted to.
Which then turned my whole world on it's back.
How was I supposed to tell my parents?
Did I have to tell them?
What would they say?
What would everyone else say?
Am I disappointing people?
Will my friends still be my friends?
What does this mean for my future?
I eventually came to the conclusion that I had to tell them, they were my family and family is all you have! But boy was it a mess.
There was yelling and screaming, and crying, rude things were said on both sides and ended with my mom and I not talking to each other for about a month. Which was very difficult considering we lived in the same house. After all of that I really thoughtI let my family down, there was so much tension in the house and I was all my fault. I fell into this deep depression and the only thing keeping my head up was that wonderful person that ultimately wrecked what I would was a perfect, but hectic, life. I stayed with her and ended up getting kicked out of my house 2 weeks after my 18th birthday. Not once had I ever thought my parents would kick me out but here we were, Rach was out of town, I had not family here, I had school the next day.. absolutely lost.
After clearing my head a little bit I called my neighbor, who also happened to be in the same math class as me. We are NOT close, not until that night. She came and picked me up and straight to Sonic we went, we sat there for hours ad she let me talk and cry and was the most amazing friend I had every had.
This awful experience that I could have let ruin my life brought me so much joy.
The love of my life and my best friend.
It also laid a path for me to find my way to my faith. Looking back on everything that happened I realized that even though I thought it was the end of the world, He was with me the entire time, watching me and looking out for me, even months before all of the drama started.
My faith was not given to me at birth, it was not forced on me as a child, I found my faith when it was the right time for me to introduce the Lord into my everyday life and now even in the worst hours I know that I am not alone.
I have the love my life, my best friend, and the Lord.